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Earlier this month, my husband picked up the phone and learned his 92-year-old father had been taken to the hospital that morning, feeling sick and short of breath.

We were nearly 2,000 miles away, on a vacation in the mountains of southern Colorado.

No, it wasn鈥檛 COVID-19. My father-in-law, Mel, who has diabetes, high blood pressure and kidney disease, was suffering from fluid buildup in his legs and around his lungs and excruciating knee pain. Intravenous medications and steroid injections were administered, and he responded well.

Doctors monitored Mel carefully, adjusted his medications and recommended a few weeks of home health care after eight days in the hospital.

In other words, this was not a life-threatening emergency. Yet we realized how poorly prepared we were for a real crisis, should one arise. We needed a plan.

Why didn鈥檛 we have one already? The usual reasons: denial, avoidance and wishful thinking. It was easier to imagine that Mel would be all right until it became clear that we couldn鈥檛 take that for granted.

Although I routinely advise readers about preparing for changes in their health, I didn鈥檛 want to be a know-it-all with my husband鈥檚 family. Their assumption seemed to be 鈥淲e鈥檒l deal with whatever comes up when that happens.鈥�

Now, eyes wide open, we got organized.

Some background: Mel lives in a well-run continuing care retirement community in upstate New York, in the independent living section. His three sons all live at a distance: one out West, one overseas and one a few hours away.

Hiring a care manager. Last year, as Mel鈥檚 kidney function declined, I suggested we hire a geriatric care manager who could look in on him regularly. After a few visits, Mel let her go. Her services were too expensive, he complained. In truth, we understood, he didn鈥檛 want someone interfering in his affairs.

My husband respects his father鈥檚 autonomy and didn鈥檛 press the point.

So, when Mel went to the hospital a few weeks ago, he was alone, with no one to turn to for assistance.

This was especially problematic because Mel has hearing loss and it is almost impossible to talk with him by phone. 鈥淗ow are you, Dad?鈥� my husband yelled on twice-a-day calls to check on his father in the hospital. 鈥淲hat?鈥� Mel replied querulously. This was repeated a few times, with mounting frustration and no useful information exchanged.

Now a care manager who could serve as our eyes and ears on the ground was necessary, not optional, and we hired back the professional we鈥檇 already found.

Finding companion care. What kind of assistance was Mel going to need when he left the hospital, deconditioned and weaker than when he went in?

When we spoke with the physician overseeing Mel鈥檚 care in the hospital, he suggested that 鈥渃ompanion care鈥� for at least a few weeks would be a good idea. Mel needed someone to help him up out of the chair, stay at his side while he walked to the bathroom and bring him a glass of water, among other tasks. (Also, we realized, we needed to arrange for meals to be delivered to Mel and for someone from his senior community to buy groceries for him 鈥� a service they鈥檇 started during the pandemic.)

An excellent organization that works with older adults in Mel鈥檚 area supplied me with a list of 21 agencies that provide these kinds of services 鈥� a dizzying array of choices.

Fortunately, the senior community where Mel lives recommended an agency that often works with its residents. We hired 24/7 care for several days after Mel left the hospital with the understanding that we鈥檇 continue services if necessary. Now, this agency is on our list of essential resources.

Understanding the options. Mel鈥檚 senior community incorporates assisted living and a nursing home for residents who need short-term rehabilitation services or longer-term round-the-clock care.

But it was clear Mel wanted to go home after being in the hospital instead of going to that rehab. Medicare would pay for a few weeks of visits from nurses and physical and occupational therapists. Would that be enough to set him on the road to recovery? We had no idea.

If Mel couldn鈥檛 return to his previous level of functioning after returning home, he might need to transition to assisted living, where he could receive more medical oversight and assistance. How would this work? We didn鈥檛 know and asked the geriatric care manager to find out.

Getting paperwork in order. Years ago, Mel assigned power of attorney for his health care decisions and financial and legal affairs to my husband. So long as Mel can manage on his own, he makes his own decisions: The legal papers were a backup arrangement.

But Mel hadn鈥檛 prepared a document naming all three sons as his 鈥� under the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996. This waives privacy concerns and gives them access to his medical information. It went on our 鈥渢o-do鈥� list.

The brothers also didn鈥檛 have a complete list of Mel鈥檚 doctors, the medications he was on and why he was taking them. Another item for our list, especially important since Mel left the hospital with prescriptions for 14 medications, several of them new. While he鈥檇 always managed on his own before, in his post-hospital fog it was clear he was nervous about managing this complicated regimen.

Understanding the prognosis. Before Mel鈥檚 hospitalization, we knew his kidney function was worsening. But what lay ahead? Was dialysis even an option for a 92-year-old in this time of COVID-19?

Who was best prepared to help us understand Mel鈥檚 prognosis and the big picture?

I鈥檝e written for years about geriatricians鈥� comprehensive approach to the health of older adults. It turns out, there鈥檚 a top-notch group of geriatricians affiliated with the hospital where Mel was being treated.

After several calls, I reached one who agreed to see Mel after he was released from the hospital. Now, we have another new team member who can help us understand Mel鈥檚 health trajectory and issues that might arise going forward.

Having the conversation. What has yet to happen is the conversation that my husband hasn鈥檛 wanted to have. 鈥淒ad, if your health takes a turn for the worse again, what do you want? What鈥檚 most important to you? What does quality of life mean to you? And what can we do to help?鈥�

With Mel鈥檚 hearing problems, doing this over the phone won鈥檛 do.

My husband would have to fly cross-country and, ideally, meet his New York brother at Mel鈥檚 place for a conversation of this kind. Before that happens, the brothers should talk among themselves. What鈥檚 their understanding of what Mel wants? Are they on the same page?

Also, no one has discussed financial arrangements.

Each time we explain to Mel one of the new services we鈥檝e arranged, his first question is 鈥淲hat鈥檚 the cost?鈥� His impulse is to guard his cherished savings and not to spend. My husband tells him he shouldn鈥檛 worry, but this, too, is a conversation that has to happen.

Being prepared. Professionally, I know a lot about the kinds of problems families encounter when an older relative becomes ill. Personally, I鈥檝e learned that families don鈥檛 really understand what鈥檚 involved until they go through it on their own.

Now, Mel has a new set of supports in place that should help him weather the period ahead. And my husband is keenly aware that planning doesn鈥檛 stop here. He鈥檒l be attending to his father far more carefully going forward.